Why ‘Health’ Is No Longer One Of My Values

The values you think you should have vs your true values

Do you know what your values are?

Figuring out what your values and priorities are helps you plan to spend the majority of your time focussed on those things. It’s a tool for simplifying, working out what to say no to and to help you make decisions.

It’s a great way to start on any lifestyle change, especially slow living. The problem? Figuring out what your real values are, not your ‘should’ values.

FAMILY + HEALTH + KINDNESS

These used to be my top values. But they no longer are.

Here’s why.

All of those values are for other people. They have an inherent lack of boundaries and depletion of your energy. Let’s take a look at health for example.

Many women say they value their health. When what we really mean is we want to lose weight, reverse the aging process, or change our appearance in some way. We have this belief that it will somehow increase our worth.

Been there? I have.

In recent years, it seems to me that 'weight loss as a goal' has also been rebranded to wellness. So now we have to secretly wish we could lose weight but also not talk about it because we're supposed to be focussed on wellness.

Which leaves you feeling guilty and ashamed for trying to lose weight when everyone has *moved on* while also feeling like a failure when it doesn’t work.

Because 🎉 newsflash 🎉 diets don’t work.

Let’s also look at why so many of us want to lose weight in the first place. 

It’s usually so we change the shapes and size of our bodies to appear more pleasing to the eye. As I said - a goal for other people.

A goal that says I’m not acceptable as I’m unless I’m trying to be more of something I’m not. A goal that takes all your focus, that you could be spending on more important things.

Even if you do achieve your value of “health” (aka weight loss), if you’re really honest, it doesn’t feel as good as you hoped. I’ve lost weight in the past and felt superior. Like, Yay, I’m more worthy now! Cringe. And then when I actually ate food again, the worthiness was gone in a puff of marshmallow dust.

Ladies, you can see this is ridiculous right?

I figured out a better way to determine values

What would it feel like to look under the value of HEALTH and discover what that means to you?

How would it feel to exercise, eat and rest differently throughout your monthly cycle to support your changing energy levels and mood?

What would it feel like to embrace your body as it changes and honour what you need on every different day? To eat when you’re hungry, or when you feel like it, and trust your body to know what it’s doing? To trust yourself?

What if you listened to your body and got to know it more deeply? You can learn to read its signs and symptoms, to understand your cravings and expect them. You can work with your body, plan for your energy highs and lows and go gently on yourself.

What would you value then?

How could the people you love benefit from you holding a new value about your health, mind and body?

You could inspire your daughters, your IRL and social media friends to love themselves more, and reject patriarchal expectations of the female body.

Think about your mum, who's probably been on a diet since before you were born and who missed out on so much holiday fun with you because she didn’t feel comfortable in swimmers? Do you really want that for yourself or your children? (Or her?)

When we uphold patriarchal values, we perpetuate the system that keeps us all ashamed of our bodies. And I am here for unravelling that!

You are allowed to have goals, visions and values that are SO much deeper than HEALTH - aka wellness - aka *not weight loss*.

You see what I mean? Mini rant ahead

There’s a system that is benefiting from you thinking you're not quite enough as you are. The diet, fitness, fashion, health and beauty industries almost fully rely on us being stuck in this cycle.

Because in capitalism, we solve problems of worthiness by spending money on improving ourselves. Under that system, another way to earn worthiness is by owning the right things. So you have to work more to pay for things to earn your worthiness.

Time to get off that train.

This cycle is what keeps us busy.

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So here are my values underneath my values

This thought process can be applied to all of the top level common values. Ask yourself, is this value for me or for others? When you say ‘x’ value, what do you really mean? What do you wish you could be/do/have from prioritising this value?

Here are my examples of the true values underneath my values.

HEALTH

To create a lifestyle that gives me sustained vitality and energy for the things and people I love

FAMILY

To build a healthy, loving and connected relationship with my children that allows us all to flourish

KINDNESS

To be a contributing member of my local community and foster the sense of a ‘village’ with the people I live close to.

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Notice the difference? Kindness as a value has the potential to create a lack of boundaries and lead to burnout when you are not clear on the specific way you want to uphold this value in your life.

Same for family. Mothers are expected to say that family is their top priority. Which regularly leads to martyr mothering and an association with the idea that housework is akin to mothering. Again leading to burnout and resentment because what you as a human get out of the dynamic is not centred.

Rachelle xx