My Anti-Mothers Day Thoughts
For every mother who is celebrated, there's one whose disappointed
Every Year When Mother’s Day Rolls Around…
I stay quiet on social media. I see everyone sharing their Mothers Day celebrations and their gratitude posts and I just feel sad.
I don’t want to rain down the negativity on a day that’s meant to be about love. Because lord knows we don’t celebrate and appreciate the mothers of this world nearly enough. But the truth is that I just see it as a day of contrast. Another way for many mums to feel inadequate.
For every mother whose partner remembered to buy flowers, there’s one who forgot.
For every mother who was celebrated for all that she does, there’s one who was disappointed again.
For every Dad who took the time to show their kids how to make an effort for their mum, there’s an ex partner who just made the day more difficult.
For every woman who went out for lunch with her own mum, there's one who wished she knew what that was like.
For every mum who got showered with gifts, there’s one whose partner will claim that it’s a made up holiday anyway.
And what about the grieving mothers, the motherless mothers, the women who can’t be mothers or won’t be through no fault of their own?
Almost all of my readers happen to be mothers and I’ve spoken extensively about motherhood and matrescence on my podcast. I even have a group coaching program called Martyr to Matriarch which is about the mental load and moving on from the good girl conditioning that creates resentment in motherhood.
So I feel a certain sense of responsibility to say something on this topic.
Here’s what I want you to know.
Regardless of if you were celebrated or not, whether you got a lie in, breakfast in bed or a handmade card - you are still an incredible mum. The effort others make on your behalf or to show you their appreciation on this one day says nothing about you.
It’s on them.
Actually, it’s also on our social narrative that the act of mothering is invisible and just sort of happens as we go about our days, rather than being something we spend days and years of our lives dedicated to doing well.
The books we read on how to raise resilient kids, the courses we take, the work we do on ourselves. Not to mention the time and care we take to make all manner of decisions about the welfare of our kids. Or the admin, forms, appointments and endless emails. Most of that happens unnoticed.
So of course that would lead to many dads and partners not truly understanding what it takes to be a mother, or why it would be an important and special thing to celebrate us.
I think we (I personally) need to make it more visible at home. Some of that work we do on ourselves could be directed to breaking down the social patterns that play out in our intimate relationships - what I mean is, despite it being a difficult conversation that never seems to really get resolved, we need to continue to open the dialogue with our partners about contribution. Even though it goes against centuries of social conditioning that mothers are ‘less than’.
I would love to see the celebration of mothers day place more pressure on dads and partners to take it as a teaching moment, to show our children how to celebrate and love on the people we care about.
Such an important topic you’ve brought up. We have to keep talking about this!! So much of being a Mother is invisible and undervalued. As you’ve suggested we often forget that as we work on ourselves support our families we are also contributing to a society as a whole. Thanks for sharing your thoughts here 🤍
Such an important message. I love that you put this out there x